Key party rules

Whose night this is

A host invites the couples they want in the room and sends one private link to each couple. There is no public list to join and no calendar of strangers. If you are holding a link, someone already chose you.

Everyone confirms they are 18 or older. The night is for adults only. The host still checks people in. A yes to the invite is a yes to come. It is not a yes to anyone in the room.

Say the shape of the room in the invite, before anyone answers. A straight room is couples of one man and one woman, with no singles and no same-gender couples. Bi-friendly allows same-gender couples and does not add singles. You answer the people you are open to. An open room can include a single the host invited. Open is who was invited. It is not a quieter way of saying bi-friendly. The host can change that shape only before answers close. People should know the shape before they drive over.

See the key party

See the play party

See the speed date

Yes, no, and your own partner

Before the door, each person says yes or no in private. You see one photo and one name. You are answering about one person, not a couple as a package. Your own partner is not someone you answer about.

A yes means you want that person if they also say yes. It is not a compliment that requires a reply. A private no stays private. A yes from only one person stays hidden. You can change an answer until the host closes them.

You can send one stronger yes for the night. If both people sent it, the reveal can say so. That note is not a match by itself. The match still needs a yes from both sides.

If the host left it on, partners can see each other's yes or no while answers are open. The host can turn that off for the whole party. Nobody else sees those answers. Seeing them is not the same as agreeing on how far the night goes. Do that talk at home.

Say how far the night goes

Soft and full are limits, and rooms do not use them the same way. Soft, in the usual sense, stops short of intercourse with anyone but your own partner. Full includes it. Kissing, touching, and oral sex are separate sentences if your house treats them that way. Write the line in plain words. Do not make guests guess from a nickname.

Same room or a separate room is a different question. If the living room stays clothed and another room is where clothes come off, say that. If phones stay in the kitchen, say that too. One phrase should not smuggle in a second rule.

Guests agree to the rules before they answer. If the host changes the rules, they agree to the new version. A match is not a menu. Either person can stop. The word you picked at home still works in the room.

Soft swap vs full swap

Talk with your partner first

The address and the door

The street address stays with the host until they send it. A place name can show earlier, so you know the neighborhood without getting the door. Emails use a name that is safe to show in public, or the words Your event, not the real party name. Leave the street, and the words key party, out of a text you would hate a coworker to see.

After answers close, on the day of the party, you get a door code and a QR pass. You show the pass. Only the host checks people in. Guests cannot check themselves in, and they cannot check in a friend who was not invited.

If both partners needed to finish answering and one did not, that couple is not in the reveal. If you would rather sit the night out, tell the host before check-in. You do not owe a speech. A guest who is not checked in is not in the reveal.

One shared reveal

The host starts the reveal. Phones wait about ten seconds. Then the room sees one person, one photo and one name, and only if both people said yes. There is no grid of every match at once, and there is no second screen of people who said no.

If the host set more than one round, each round is still one person. The room finds out together. Do not ask other guests how they answered. The group chat is for the timing and the room. A message to the host stays private to the host and any co-host.

A play party is a different night. You say yes or no to one other person, unless the host set couples to answer together. The host closes the answers, checks guests in, and then opens the matches. Checking someone in does not open the names. A speed date stays dressed. A new party starts at five minutes a round, and a match needs both couples to say yes. Pack for the night you were told.

Agree before you leave the house

Talk with your partner before the first answer, not in the doorway. Say what you hope for, what is off the table, and the word you will use if one of you wants a pause. A maybe in the car is easier than a surprise after the reveal.

Decide the practical things too. Who is driving home. Whether you will stay if the reveal is someone you already know. Whether a match means you stay in the room or step into another one. The invite should already have said which of those the house expects.

If you cannot agree, do not paper over it with a yes. Tell the host you are sitting out, or do not come. A key party is a poor place to discover that the two of you wanted different nights.

Talk with your partner

Setting boundaries before a party

What to say on the drive

A match is not an obligation

Seeing a name is the start of a conversation, not a promise to continue. Either person can slow down, change their mind, or leave. You do not need the other person's permission to stop, and you do not announce their answer to the room.

If you know the person, that does not change the rule. A yes still had to come from both of you. A private no stays private even when you will see them at work on Monday. Keep that to yourselves on the ride home.

If the night is not what the invite described, tell the host and go. You do not have to stay for a later round. Host help is where the host reads how to pause a room, close a door, or ask someone to leave.

How to say no at a party

What to say on the ride home

Host help

Rules the host keeps

Start from the host home and pick a key party before the links go out. Write one rule per line: who is coming, how far the night goes, and what a no means in your house. A straight room is couples of one man and one woman, with no singles. Bi-friendly allows same-gender couples and does not add singles. An open room can include a single guest you named. Say which one in the invite. People join when you invite them, or when you approve an application. An application does not put someone in the room until you approve it. Send each couple you already know one private link.

Leave the street address back until you mean to send it. Check people in yourself. Start the reveal yourself. If two people want to go past the rule you wrote, that is a different agreement, not a rewrite in the spare room.

The hosting help walks through the guest list, check-in, the address, and the moment you start the reveal. A test party lets you walk the night as a guest, including either partner, before a real link goes out. It does not send email, push notifications, or reminders.

Start hosting

Read the hosting help

How to host a key party

How to host a car key party

FAQ