Adult only. Private by design.
Soft swap vs full swap
Soft swap and full swap are ceilings, not personalities. Soft usually means play that stops short of intercourse with someone else. Full includes it. The line only works if both partners named it before anyone answers yes or no.
What people mean by the words
Ask ten couples where soft swap ends and you will hear ten maps. The common one is this. Soft swap can include kissing, touching, and oral sex with other people, and it stops before intercourse with them. Full swap includes intercourse with other people. Same room or separate rooms is a different question. Same gender or not is a different question. Do not let one phrase smuggle the others in.
Some rooms use soft for above the waist only, and they will be annoyed if you assumed oral was included. Some use full for anything goes, and they will be wrong for your house if your rule was narrower. The phrase is a starting point. The house rule is the definition that counts on Saturday.
Neither phrase is a moral rank. A soft night can be more intense than a full one if the people in it are awake. A full swap agreement is not a trophy and it is not a default. It is a ceiling two adults picked, and it can be lower next time without an apology.
Both partners set the ceiling
A couple does not have one libido. One partner can want a soft night while the other is curious about full, or the reverse, or they can want different things with different people. The ceiling for the night is the lower one, unless you are prepared to host two different permissions and say that out loud. Most hosts should not. One room, one ceiling, agreed before the invite goes out.
Talk where you can hear a no. Not in the group chat, and not in the car outside the house. If you only discovered the gap at the door, you are late. One of you can still sit the night out. Tell the host. They do not check you in. That is a complete answer. You do not owe the room a speech about your sex life.
If the host left it on, partners can see each other's yes or no while answers are open. The host can turn that off for the whole party. Nobody else sees those answers. Seeing those answers is not the same as agreeing to a ceiling. Do the ceiling conversation in your own words. The night will not do it for you.
A yes is about a person, not a menu
There is no switch for soft or full. You answer about a person. On a key party that person is one photo and one name. On a play party you say yes or no to one other person, unless the invite says couples answer together. On a speed date people stay dressed, and you see the couple: both names and one photo. Yes means you want that match. It does not mean every act is on the table. The house rules, and the sentence you say to the person in front of you, are what name the acts.
A key party makes this easy to forget, because the reveal feels like a verdict. It is not. The host starts one shared reveal, phones wait about ten seconds, and the room sees one person, only if both people said yes. You can still want only a kiss, only a conversation, or nothing physical at all. The other person can want less than you. The lower yes wins in the moment, the same way it won when you set the ceiling. You can send one stronger yes during the party. It is not a match by itself.
A private no stays private. If you are not interested in someone, they do not get a note that you passed. If you are interested and your ceiling is soft, you can still say yes to the person and no to intercourse. Say the ceiling before clothes come off, not after. The night will not pop up a second question about acts. That question is yours.
Write the line into the rules
House rules are one line, one rule. Guests agree before they answer. If you change the line later, they agree again. Use lines a stranger could not misunderstand. Soft night: intercourse with anyone but your own partner is off the table. Full night: intercourse is allowed only when both people said yes, and either person can stop. Same room only. Condoms for intercourse. The office is closed. Phones stay out.
Put the same line in the invitation, in your own voice, so the link is not the first time they hear it. A couple who wanted a full swap should decline a soft party before they arrive. A couple who wanted soft should never discover full in the kitchen. The format is separate from the ceiling. You can run a key party that is soft. You can run a play party that is full. You can run a speed date that is only conversation. Say which.
Do not hide the ceiling in a joke. Do not say you will see where the night goes if you already know intercourse is off. Seeing where it goes is how soft agreements break. If you want room to renegotiate, say that renegotiation is a sober conversation between the people involved, not a mood the room votes on.
What to expect in the room
On a soft night, people still flirt, still disappear into a kiss, still get louder than a dinner party. The host's job is the rule they wrote, not a tour of everyone's lap. If you see intercourse starting in a room that agreed it was off, you interrupt. You do not wait to be polite. The couple who wanted soft did not agree to a full room because someone got swept up.
On a full night, intercourse is allowed, not assigned. A match is permission to talk and to ask. It is not a schedule. Separate rooms, if you offer them, are still optional. A closed door is not a broadcast. No photos of other guests. The group chat is one room, and it is a bad place to narrate what just happened in the bedroom.
Guests do not message each other in private. If someone needs a boundary heard, they message the host or they say it to the person in front of them. That note to the host stays with the host and any co-hosts. You can mute a guest who is pressuring people in chat. You can close chat. A co-host can help run the door. A co-host cannot delete the party or remove the original host.
When the night tries to drift
Drift sounds like just this once, they said it was fine, everyone else is doing it. None of those sentences change a rule people agreed to before they answered. If two people want to go further than the room's ceiling, they do it on a different night with a different agreement, not by rewriting your party in the spare room.
If you and your partner disagree in the moment, you stop. You do not take it to the group for a ruling. The host is not a referee for your relationship, though the host can end the interaction that is breaking the house rule. Tell them if you need the interaction to stop and you cannot get it to stop yourself.
Alcohol makes drift easier and a clear no harder to hear. A drink is not the problem by itself. A person who cannot restate the ceiling should not be negotiating a new one. Offer water. End that part of the night. The door still belongs to the host: only they check people in, with a door code or a QR pass. Guests cannot check themselves in.
Which party fits which ceiling
A key party is a strong fit for a single ceiling, because the room shares one reveal and one set of rules. Everyone hears the same line before the host starts the reveal. A play party can hold a soft or full agreement too, but people moving through the house makes drift easier, so the rules need to be shorter and clearer. Matches stay hidden until the host opens them, after answers are closed and guests are checked in. Check-in alone does not open them.
A speed date stays dressed. It is often the right first night if you have not agreed on soft or full yet. You meet, you talk, you say yes or no. A new party starts at five minutes a round, and the host can change the length. A match needs both couples to say yes. Sharing contact after a match is optional. Use the night to find out if you even like people, before you host an evening where clothes are the question.
Whatever you pick, the street stays hidden until you release it, and the real party name stays in the app. Email says Your event or a public-safe name. Do not put soft swap or full swap in a text you would hate a coworker to see. Say the ceiling where the people who agreed can read it.
Sample lines you can use
Soft key party: This is a soft night. Intercourse with anyone but your own partner is off. Kissing and touching follow a fresh yes from the people involved. A match is not a menu. Either person can stop. Phones stay in the kitchen. The office is closed.
Full play party: Intercourse is allowed only when both people said yes, and only with a condom, and only in the bedrooms. The living room stays clothed enough that someone can walk in. No photos of guests. If you are done, you are done. Tell the host if you are sitting out, and you will not be checked in.
You will rewrite these. Good. They are examples, not a script the night installs. The night is for adults only. Guests never pay, and there is no ticket. People join when you invite them, or when you approve an application. An application does not put someone in the room until you approve it. When the ceiling and the list are written, start from the host home and open the party page that matches the night. The hosting help walks through the rules and the door.
FAQ
What is the difference between a soft swap and a full swap?
Soft swap, in the usual sense, stops short of intercourse with other people. Full swap includes it. Rooms disagree on the details, so the house rules have to say the line in plain words.
Does the app set soft or full for me?
No. There is no switch. You write the ceiling in the house rules. Guests agree before they answer. A yes is a yes to a person, not to every act.
Can a key party be soft?
Yes. The host still starts one shared reveal, and the room sees one person only if both people said yes. The rules say what that match is allowed to become. A reveal is not intercourse.
What if partners disagree?
The night uses the lower ceiling, or one of you sits it out and tells the host. You do not get checked in if you are sitting out. Decide before the invite when you can.
Can we change the ceiling at the party?
Not by mood. If you edit the rules, guests have to agree to the new version before they answer again. Two people who want more than the room agreed to should take that to another night.
Where do we say the line so it stays private?
In the rules and the invite the list can see. Keep it out of email. Reminders say Your event or a public-safe name. The street stays hidden until the host releases it.
How do I host a night with this ceiling?
Start from the host home, read the hosting help, and open the key party, play party, or speed date page. Write the ceiling in the first note. An application does not put someone in the room until you approve it. Guests never pay.
When the list is ready, you can host a play party.