Just like when you wade into any new world, the lifestyle is full of lingo that’ll leave you wondering what the hell someone just said. Only here there’s no formal governance that keeps a wrench a wrench, or a baseball bat a baseball bat. There’s certainly not the benefit of having grown up around the subject enough to just “know” what it is without being taught.

Instead you end up with a zillion terms that mostly mean the same thing as another but can still leaving starching your head.

By no means is this an exhaustive list of swinger terms, but it is the ones you’ll likely run into most often. Study up. It’ll make the lifestyle easier to navigate.

BBW: Typically used to describe plus sized women. You’ll find all the curves equally all the fun.

BDSM: Commonly interpreted as Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. BDSM is a single acronym that unites an array of kinks, fetishes and paraphilia.

Bicurious: Having a curiosity for having attraction to, or sexual experimentation with, the same gender or sex.

Biflexible: A person who doesn’t consider themselves bisexual but has bisexual tendencies.

Bull: A married or single man looking for casual sex. Men considered “bulls” are usually well endowed.

Bare back: Sex without the use of a condom.

Compersion: Totally opposite of jealousy. Here you would find excitement & pleasure by seeing your partner having sex with someone else.

Consent: Informed and clear permission, given without manipulation or coercion. Consent can be taken away at any time.

Cuckold: a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, often regarded as an object of derision.

Drama free: A couple whose relationship is free of jealousy, or so they claim. Many times couple profiles on sites that have this included should be steered clear of. If you got to state it, it’s probably not true!

Full swap: A couple who is comfortable switching partners with another couple for full penetration.

Gang bang: A scenario where a woman is the center of attention and having sex with multiple men (on the same night) at the same time.

Hotwife (wife share): A married woman who takes male lovers outside the marriage often in the context of swinging or cuckoldry.

Lifestyle: Refers to the swinging community in general. Many times a swinging couple may refer to themselves as a lifestyle couple.

Meet & Greet: A social event, typically held at an off-premises venue. These have no sexual activity and allow couples to meet in a laid-back environment. Usually good for new couples.

On premise:  A venue such as a swinging club, party, or event which permits sex on site.

Open marriage: A marriage where the arrangement permits one or both partners to have sexual relationships outside of the marriage, outside romantic relationships or both.

Play: Meant to mean sex. Exp: let’s meet for drinks and play later.

Queen of Spades: Signifies a white woman in the hotwife lifestyle that looks to primarily play with black men. Tattoos of the symbol with a letter Q are not abnormal for this sub culture.

Same Room: Signifies the couple is only comfortable with same room sex.

Same Roof: Signifies that the couple is comfortable with sex happening with others, if both parts of the couple are at the same location.

Soft swing (soft swap): A couple who play with other couples for kissing, touching, perhaps oral or mutual masturbation but do not allow penetration.

Stag & Vixen: This is similar to the cuckold/hotwife relationship however the “stag” is different from the “cuckold” in that cuckold implies a submissive partner while the stag does not. The stag is a dominant or equal partner who enjoys sharing his partner with other men without being diminished by the act.

Swingle: A single person who pairs up with someone of the opposite sex to attend swingers’ parties.

Unicorn: Used by many to describe a single bi woman in the swinging lifestyle. We disagree, see post about that HERE.

Vanilla: People who don’t participate in the swinging lifestyle, clubs or parties.

Vanilla swirl: Someone who is more sexually adventurous but doesn’t fully participate in the swinging lifestyle although they are comfortable attending events and perhaps flirting.

- Chris