Spend 5 minutes on tik-tok looking up pineapples or swingers, and you’ll find a wealth of “information” about the lifestyle. Guess what? Most of it is totally false. It’s full of misconceptions about people who have choose to open their relationships.

It’s not uncommon for people in the lifestyle to be judged, and sometimes even shamed, by people who do not participate in non-monogamy. Fortunately, we’re not alone. Today it seems as if the lifestyle community is exploding with new couples looking to spice things up. More people are welcoming alternative lifestyles and realizing that what works for some, doesn’t work for all. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore... although I’d argue that swinging was just as prevalent then, it just wasn’t talked about.

I’ve personally experienced the positive impact swinging has had on our marriage. It’s quite literally transformed into something so authentic that most couples could only dream to have it.

The act of swinging does bring some special advantages to relationships that our monogamous friends just don’t have.

Let’s dive into that:

Women Rule the world.

In the lifestyle, women are empowered to be their best selves. Body positivity tends to be at the core, and I’ve seen women gain their strength through it. It’s a myth that the lifestyle caters to male sexual desire… the reality is nothing in the lifestyle happens without the ladies wanting it to.

Women are encouraged to freely explore their sexuality. To vocalize their sexual desires, and become comfortable discussing sexual hang-ups, boundaries, and talking about experiences.

Communication, level 10,294,022

Imagine being vulnerable enough to share the naughtiest fantasies you have. Opening yourself up enough to share that one thing you’ve never even told your childhood best friend. And not being judged for it. Instead, it’s accepted, celebrated, and you’re surprised to find that it turns your partner on, too. That’s what comes with being a swinger – at least one that does it successfully.

People in the lifestyle are heavy on communication. We tend to do more talking than anything else. It’s a sport that’s requires a team effort… and over time we’ve learned to communicate honestly about everything – no matter how uncomfortable or heavy the topic may be. That level of communication opens to a world where nothing, no matter how taboo or shameful, can’t be discussed. Judgement Free.

No one communicates better than successful swingers.

Friends

While there are as many ways to swing as there are to bake a cake, and then some… we’ve found playing with friends is what works best for us. That means we spend a whole lot more time relaxing in pools, visiting our favorite dive bar, going to dinners, and enjoying cocktails together than we have sex. Shocking, right? Because people outside the lifestyle tend to picture it as a giant orgy where everyone fucks anything that walks in. Instead, we do a whole lot of vanilla things with likeminded naughty people. We flirt, tease, and generally have a good time.

Swingers tend to be authentic and real, which goes back to the ability to be 1.) vulnerable and 2.) great communicators and it’s what we love about it the most.

A little of this, a little of that. Swinging is about variety.

I prefer Mexican food over all other options. Is it all I eat? Of course not. Sometimes I want Italian, Asian cuisine, or maybe some excellent German food. The lifestyle allows you to enjoy that favorite meal… the one you signed up to have for the rest of your life (your wife for you guys that are slow) yet get to try tasty side dishes here and there.

For those that are bi-sexual like my wife, the lifestyle can open a whole new world free of limitations found in monogamous relationships. There are things each of us enjoy that the other might not. Rather than hold each other back, doesn’t it make more sense to allow your partner to be as fulfilled as possible by enjoying that thing with someone else that loves it, too?

Keep in mind. Prior to marriage you enjoyed a whole lot of things. A marriage license doesn’t make all those desires go away. It’s not a bit of magic that shields you from being attracted to that blonde when your wife is a redhead.

Conclusion

Is it easy all the time? Absolutely not. Is it worth doing the hard work to enjoy? Yes. Swinging has allowed me to see my wife blossom. It’s allowed me to see her at her happiest and has brought us closer together for many of the reasons above. It’s allowed me to understand her soul in a way I could never have before. We’re relationship healthy – we don’t fight because we’ve learned to communicate to the nth degree. We’ve found that there’s no room for drama to occur when we over-communicate.

It allows us to be our complete authentic selves, while sharing the journey with the only person I could always be within 15 feet of. Being open to hearing each other, completely, and always being honest has allowed us to stay away from the headaches that a communication breakdown brings.

Even if jumping into bed with a neighbor or sharing your wife with a friend isn’t your bag… there’s a lot that can be learned from the lifestyle. Maybe it’s for you. Maybe it’s not. Either is ok. You do you. 😊

- Chris